


Hang On

by Godsliltippy



Category: Thunderbirds
Genre: Gen, Making a decision that scares your brother, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:22:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24355006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Godsliltippy/pseuds/Godsliltippy
Summary: Virgil and Gordon are stuck in a perilous situation and one of them considers their options.
Comments: 35
Kudos: 70





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Gumnut](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gumnut/gifts).



"Virg -" a grunt of effort from the brother with the iron grip on his wrist. "I can't - you're too heavy. Ya gotta climb." 

Sluggish brown eyes looked up at the smaller figure, seeing the strain running across his brother's shoulders. Gordon hung from his grapple cord with one hand, the other keeping hold of Virgil's arm. Urgency seemed to be an appropriate response, but the exhaustion was overwhelming, the search for his little brother having taken away what little energy he had left. The request was an impossible one for him to fulfill. 

"Can't -" came out ragged with fatigue.

A shift to regain his grip as muscles screamed for relief, "C'mon, bro. When - have you ever not been - strong enough? This is cake." The humor was fragile, Gordon's way of maintaining control in a stressful situation.

The room spun - not a room, though - the frozen cave wall twisting with the light from their gear. His free hand twitched, but remained by his side as he hung over the dark crevasse. There was no knowing what was at the bottom - but he understood it didn't need to be both of them.

"Too weak - I can't," Virgil swallowed against the words the waited to be released. "Jus' lemme go - save yourself."

"Not an option, Virg," Gordon called down through grit teeth. "We're both getting outta here - together."

Not if he twisted his arm free. Just fall and hope his landing would be better than the one that had brought them here. He'd already lost feeling in his busted leg as the cold seeped into his suit. Part of him knew death waited in the darkness, but his choice would mean the difference between one body instead of two. 

Virgil's wrist twitched.

"Don't you dare!" Gordon's harsh cry chilled the engineer to the bone, causing him to still, eyes flicking up to see the fear and anger mangling his little brother's face. "Just - don't."

The silence of the cave didn't return for a few painful seconds as his brother's voice ricoched off the ice.

"-'kay -" it was a breath more than a word, but it was enough for the blonde. "What now?"

Any other day and Gordon could have lifted him, much of his strength in limbs that spent hours pulling him through the pool. Today, they'd been trapped in an icy cavern, Virgil with a busted leg and the aquanaut forced to drag him around until they could find a way out. When the engineer had needed a moment to rest, Gordon had scouted ahead. That had been hours before their current predicament and the aquanaut was feeling just as worn down. 

A shift of straining muscles and the fear turned back to calm determination, "I'll get you up - just grab on when you can."

That plan was impossible, not with the way his brother's arm trembled with exertion. Virgil didn't voice it though, Gordon's anger from moments before still resonating through his head. 

To his surprise, he began to inch up, the blonde's face growing in color as all of his concentration focused into the single arm. A sharp intake of breath preceded the gutteral cry as muscles burned and expended the last of their energy. 

It was enough and Virgil threw everything he had into wrapping his arm around his brother's waist, anchoring to the bright yellow baldric. In that instant, Gordon slumped, his arm clinging to his charge. Harsh gasps fell from their lips and they both fought for endurance they still needed. 

"Okay - just a - swing to the ledge," Gordon huffed, already kicking his legs back and forth. Virgil didn't dare try to help, knowing all he could do was focus on holding himself up. 

Slowly, their momentum grew and his concern that he would lose his grip increased, up until a grunt of warning sounded from above. They swung once more and fell, Gordon wrapping himself around his brother as they landed on the frozen path. The pain in his leg spiked and Virgil couldn't stop the cry that tore from his throat.

They both lay on the ground, breathing through the aches in their bodies until Gordon was able to push himself up, "You okay?"

Another moment to check himself, "Yeah - think so."

"Good," and the light in his brother's voice fell, "The hell, Virg!" The anger was evident, mixing with a different kind of pain that came with almost losing someone he cared about. Virgil had been through that with the blonde enough times to recognize it. 

"S'rry," was all he could offer from his position on the floor. 

"Stop - just -" Gordon bit back whatever he wanted to say, instead gripping the green baldric and pulling the engineer further from the ledge. "I found a way out."

Virgil didn't ask, simply happy to know they were going to be home soon. His head hurt, a fact he'd kept to himself, seeing as there was nothing to be done about it now. He did, however, try to help his little brother get him into a sitting position. From there, Gordon slung him over his back, wobbling as his leg muscles protested the weight. He tried not to urge his brother to take it slow. He had enough to deal with. 

The rest of their ascent from the cavern was lost to the haze of exhaustion, Virgil coming back to consciousness with the bright light of day and the green hull of Thunderbird 2. It wasn't that far, but after the morning they'd had trying to set up a monitoring beacon and slipping into the glacial cavern below, the distance seemed daunting.

"Little - further," Gordon wheezed, taking a step in the direction of Virgil's 'bird. He didn't have to go far before the roar of VTOL filled the air and Thunderbird 1 appeared. Scott was out a moment later, looking on edge as his fears appeared to be realised. They had been gone for most of the day with no way to communicate. Virgil was surprised it had taken this long for the eldest to come searching, but that was a question for another time. As it was, he found himself being carried into the gray rocket - she would do. They would get his girl later. 

As the warming blanket fell over him, Scott's dimpled smile filling his vision, the raven-haired man relaxed, letting himself drift into the sleep he desperately needed.

OoOoOoO

Scott hadn't let him fly Thunderbird 2 home, either because he knew Virgil would be pissed or because Gordon had slid into one of the seats as soon as he had relinquished the now unconscious engineer, the answer wasn't quite clear. 

Okay, maybe the fact he'd almost fallen out of the seat hadn't helped. Now, he was watching the slow rise and fall of Virgil's chest. 

"Go to sleep, Gordon," Scott called back as he flew them back to the island. 

As much as he wanted to listen to his brother, he couldn't, "I'm okay."

"Really? Cause you look like someone stole your matress and replaced it with cardboard boxes," amusement not normally heard from the commander had the aquanaut's brow lifting.

"I did that - to you."

"And I distinctly remember being exhausted that night after I had to chase you around the island just so I could find out what you did with my bed."

"You never caught me," Gordon smiled, proud of that particular prank.

"So, get some rest," Scott sobered slightly. "We'll be home in an hour."

Sixty minutes wasn't that long. He could wait. Plus, there was the other issue, "I can't."

"Can't what?"

"Sleep."

A small stretch of silence meant Scott was trying to reason if it was a physical or mental issue. It came from experience and eventually led to a hesitant question, "How come?"

Gordon didn't want to say - not because he wasn't sure what Scott would think, but because he wasn't sure anyone else should have to hold the knowledge of just why he couldn't close his eyes. That when he did, all he could see was Virgil hanging over a dark void, ready to let go - to die. No, Scott of all people didn't need that.

"Just wanna make sure he's okay," it wasn't a lie.

"Ah," it seemed to work. "I can understand that. Just promise to go lay down when we do get home. I'll make sure he's all patched up when you wake up."

It wouldn't be easy, but Gordon would try, "Sure, not a problem." Even though it really would be. He would need to talk to Virgil again before his mind would let him rest, but with how the engineer had faired after their ordeal, it would be a while.

So Gordon would wait and make sure his wingman never tried that stunt again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it lives!
> 
> Here's the follow-up to the first chapter! Hope y'all enjoy it!

A full day of sleep was appropriate. It was too much if he were being honest with himself, but Virgil tended to want just that little bit more when he wasn't feeling up to par. That didn't mean, however, he wanted to spend another day in the infirmary when he could be upstairs enjoying the warm sunshine. The chill still felt trapped in his bones and he wanted to rid himself of it and the memories that lingered. The engineer gave it until lunch time and the arrival of Grandma and Alan to voice his desires with the promise of taking it easy on the patio lounge, preferably with his sketch pad and oil pastels. Being stuck in one place often left him itching to recreate what he saw. 

After a bit more prodding, Grandma had relented. It probably helped that he'd come away from the experience with a couple fractures and a clean break. Nothing their technology couldn't handle, but it meant he was in a cast and sidelined for the next couple of months. 

Now, crutch tucked under his arm, he limped his way to the elevator, Alan dutifully at his side with a humorous grin on his face.

"What is it, Al?" Virgil groaned as he pivoted once inside the lift. He was still sore and trying to keep from showing it was a task in and of itself.

"Nothing," the smile grew as though the teen was about to bust. It didn't take long, "Just that Scott and John thought you'd be up by now - all grumpy Virg ready to chew someone's head off if you didn't get your coffee. I said you'd just be happy to be out of the infirmary! Pretty sure I was right - right?"

A dark brow rose as the blonde spoke a mile a minute and his mind snagged on 'coffee' missing most of what followed, "Coffee sounds great, actually."

"Yeah, we figured, so Scott offered to make some before we went to drop off lunch," the smile was beaming now. 

"Good man," though it would've been better to have a cup with lunch. 

Sunlight flooded the elevator as the door opened and he breathed in the fragrance riding on a tropical breeze. Brewed beans hit him next and the desire to find a comfortable spot on the patio was pushed aside. Coffee first, then relaxing. 

The yawn that drew from deep within his chest spoke of just how much his and Gordon's experience had drained from him, Virgil leaning heavily on the counter as Alan offered to make him his mug. Any other day and he would have refused to let anyone have a hand in his drink of choice, but today would just have to be different. He'd accidentally sipped some of the astronaut's coffee on a camping trip once and it honestly wasn't too far from his own ratio of sugar and cream - smooth and sweet. 

As Alan worked, Scott emerged from the top of the stairs. The sour look on his face was more than enough to know what the brunette was thinking, "Virgil, you should really be sitting down."

He ignored the hand offered to help him find a seat, gesturing to their youngest, "I will as soon as coffee's ready."

"Right," and the concern was replaced by skepticism. It was followed quickly by arms pulling him into a supportive embrace, allowing the raven-haired brother to relax into Scott. "Glad you're okay. That could've been a hell of a lot worse."

'Okay' was an optimistic term for at least standing on his own two feet - regardless of the crutch. A couple months would mean a rough stint for the rest of the family, but at least he was alive, "You can thank Gordon for that. The kid was relentless." Speaking of, dark brown eyes roamed the rest of the floor as Scott leaned him back against the counter. " Where is the fish, anyway?"

"Ah," the sour expression reappeared, "he was up pretty early, apparently. He's been doing beach maintenance from what John's told me."

Virgil grimaced, prior knowledge of how Gordon got when he was dealing with their island's surroundings creeping out of places he'd shut them away. They were fairly remote when it came to other populated areas, yet trash still ended up on their island. For a brother who hated cleaning his room, the beach and ocean were something completely different. 

Sometimes, though, it was just a way for him to separate himself from what was happening on their little piece of the world. His big brother had been hurt and it had been on his shoulders - literally - to get them both out alive. Gordon deserved a little time to himself. 

"Whatever makes him happy," Virgil chuckled before letting out a yawn. A mug tapped down beside him and he turned a grateful smile to the youngest Tracy, grabbing the mug and crutch simultaneously. The coffee was quickly extracted from his hand by a brunette carrying an exasperated expression a second later.

"C'mon, I'll bring it while you focus on hobbling," the dimpled smirk was hard to miss. 

Irritation rising, Virgil followed, hoping the rest of the day would warrant a little less brotherly monitoring. He could give Gordon a call later if the boredom got to him. The blonde was always good at cheering him up.

OoOoOoO

He reached for the bottle a third time before his fingers found traction and captured it, Gordon shoving it into the bag he had slung over his shoulder. His head spun as he stood too fast and he breathed in the salty air, letting it sit in his lungs before releasing it and blinking away the feeling. 

It didn't go away - not completely. It sat behind his eyes as a reminder of how little sleep he'd gotten after the day he'd spent trapped in an icy labyrinth, trying to drag his brother around. The feeling taunted him as he stared at another piece of debris, willing himself to bend down and grab it before some hapless creature came around and tried to eat it. Eventually, Gordon's legs decided for him and he ended up sitting next to the offensive thing, head in his hands as he worked to get a grip on his own body. 

His thoughts were the true issue, though, images of his brother, words in his ear, ghostlike twitches under his fingertips. His body still ached from the overworked muscles and he wanted desperately to chalk the tingling sensation up to that, but he knew - every time he'd drifted off, Gordon knew what was haunting him. 

A hand fell into his lap and he leaned into the other to glare at the garbage on his beach. He reached out and plucked it from the sand, ignoring the sun-bleached label as he twisted it around. There was an odd sense of relief in the action. This was something easily removed and thrown away. He wouldn't have to think about it again as it was melted down to be recycled material for something else. This trash had purpose.

The foreign thoughts in his head were not so easily removed and they certainly weren't useful.

Gordon sighed as he added the object to his bag, returning his gaze to the ocean as it lapped at the slightly cleaner beach. The sun was high, midday, and a good indicator that he was going to be late for lunch, not that he was hungry. The blonde figured he could get away with making something light after the others had consumed much of what had been offered. 

Easy enough. 

If he could just find the nerve to get off the beach and head home.

The only brother he'd spoken to since deciding that his bedroom wasn't going to work was John and that had been a short inquiry for Scott's appeasement. Knowing big brother, he wouldn't be thrilled about Gordon's early morning after being sent off with "get some sleep, that's an order" and "Virgil will be okay" the day before. He'd done as he was told, as far as going to his bed, then returned for dinner a few hours later. That didn't mean he'd slept. They'd all mastered the illusion of eating when the food was indigestible and no one voiced their noticing that the aquanaut's plate still held most of the ribs and peas. 

After being sent off once more with an update that Virgil's surgery had gone well and the leg was set, Gordon had tried to sleep. His co-pilot was safe and sound under the watchful eye of their grandmother and eldest. No need to lay there and think about losing Virgil. For a little while, he did sleep, but images filled his dreams - big brother, face slack with the wariness of trying to find the blonde - and Virgil falling into the black abyss. 

Gordon had woken with a start, chest heaving with the scream he'd released in his mind. For an agonizing moment, he couldn't remember if that had be reality and he'd lost his brother to the icy cavern. A quick look at the clock told him it was still too soon to venture down stairs, but a silent trip to the top of the stairwell and he could hear the light conversation between eldest and youngest - certainly not the tone one expected when a brother was dead. 

After creeping back to his room, the bedside lamp stayed on to ward off the dark that was too similar. He didn't dare turn on his holoprojector to watch something mind numbing, fearing another brother might be watching along. Instead, he resorted to music, earbuds tucked into his ears and impossible to see from the doorway if Scott decided to check on him. 

The music hadn't been anything in particular, just something to drown out the what ifs. 

Nothing would quell the feelings though, of a wrist trying to break his grip or the moment his heart tried to rip from his chest. 

"Damnit, Virg," Gordon hissed, fingers digging into the sand as he felt that moment like it was still fresh and terrifying. His brother was safe. He shouldn't be letting this mess with him so much. 

Yet the memories refused to subside until he forced out a shaky breath and sent a clump of granules flying over the beach. Even then, they still sat like a weight in his chest. It was too soon. Too early to think he was okay and could brush it all off. The decision had already been made not to tell his family about his brother's decision, which left him without an outlet, save the ocean waves. 

Gordon stared at them as they pummeled the sand and stones, letting them bring rhythm to his breathing and a steadying numbness that would allow him a bit more control. He needed to get back to the house if he wanted to avoid questions beyond 'how was the beach'. 

The beach was manageable. His head wasn't.

Summoning the stubbornness possessed in some degree by all the Tracys, Gordon made it to his feet, brushing sand from his shorts. The bag of trash weighed heavily on his shoulder, but at least offered a bit of accomplishment to his morning - one less problem to deal with. Amber eyes turned in the direction of home and his next dilemma, unsure if it would be as easily managed. Eventually, he would need to talk to someone - not yet, though. Not when it stole his breath every time his thoughts moved in the wrong direction. 

He'd give it another day. Just a day and he could figure something out. 

One step and he was moving, away from the crashing waves and up to his family that could drown him with the simplest of questions.

He wasn't okay.


	3. Chapter 3

Even after a day of sleep, he had still dozed off, the periwinkle pastel barely resting in his fingertips when he startled awake. Virgil's initial instinct was to check the piece he'd be working on and was relieved to see the pigment hadn't traveled across the landscape. 

His next thought turned to what had woken him. Unlike his usual sleep, naps were easier to wake from, the need to be ready at a moment's notice creating a layer of awareness even when asleep, and today was no different. A cursory glance around the patio didn't reveal anything obvious and after a moment of listening to the soothing tones of the island, he let out a yawn and picked up his drawing pad. 

The image held an array of plants selected from around the patio, none of which were actually located together. The foreground had become something of his own creation, making it seem the viewer wasn't standing on a cement patio, but on the island before their father's arrival. It was dirt and lush plant life framing a fluttering ocean. In the distance, he planned to add one of the smaller islands, but at his current angle, he was having difficulty getting a good view of his subject matter. 

With a sigh, the periwinkle found its way back into the box and he lowered the book -

"Oh -" the startled sound almost matched his own as Gordon appeared with the removal of the image. It was apparent that the blonde hadn't noticed him until he'd moved and vice versa. 

"Hey, Gordo," he felt a broad smile growing over his face as the recognition led to sheer appreciation for the little brother who'd saved their lives. Even still, he could only find one question floating through his tired brain, "How was the beach?"

If he'd expected Gordon to get mad and start ranting about careless humans and their garbage, Virgil was mistaken. He watched the color drain from his brother's face, jaw bobbing wordlessly until it simply shut all together. 

There was something to be said about how Virgil and Gordon could read each other, like a sixth sense that only appeared when absolutely necessary. It was too infrequent to be compared to the two eldests' connection, but still an impressive spectacle when they synced. Virgil felt it the moment he caught the uneasiness in the amber, "You okay, Squirt?"

A blink, a breath, and Virgil wondered if it might be the shock of seeing his big brother out of the infirmary, but any chance of receiving an answer was cut off by a chime from the lounge. Gordon was off before the sound ended, leaving the raven-haired brother confused and with an urge to follow. 

His crutch still lay next to the lounge chair and he scooped it up with a wince as stiff muscles protested. The leg was worse, having lost much of the painkillers Grandma had given him. It was enough to give him second thoughts, but the need for more information drove him to push off the lounger and stand, gritting his teeth through the pain. 

"Ow," came out harsh and breathy, and it was enough to call the attention of his grandma, her familiar purple appearing from the kitchen. 

"Easy there, kiddo," her tone stopped him in his tracks and he waited for her to make it across the patio. The disapproval was evident and he tried to offer an apologetic smile, but he really wanted to know what was going on. "You should be resting."

"Just needed to get inside," Virgil left that up to interpretation, hoping she would at least help him get to the elevator. 

"Hmm, I bet you do," a cocked smile that said she knew more than he gave her credit for, but she never could deny an injured grandson as long as it was to both of their benefits. Being in the house meant she could watch him better and had more eyes than were available outside. "C'mon, I'll get you upstairs, but then no getting up unless you let one of us know, got it?"

"Yes, ma'am," he let her wrap an arm under his, offering just enough support to steady him, but allowed him to do most of the work. By the time they were at the lift door, he was willing to do whatever she asked as long as it involved collapsing on something soft.

The lounge was alight with colors projected from the holocomm, John orchestrating them from Thunderbird 5. Scott was making his way from behind their father's desk, jaw tight as he headed towards his launch tube. Alan sat on one of the couches, frowning at the images of a crew, their ship taking on water. Gordon was nowhere in sight.

His little brother saw him first, hopping up to help Virgil into the pit. Scott gave him a subdued smile and salute as the wall pivoted and he disappeared. Whatever was happening seemed to require immediate action. That, or it had taken him far too long to make it such a short distance. 

"What'd I miss?" He asked with a huff as he relaxed into the cushions, Grandma adjusting his leg over a pile of pillows.

"Gordon's taking Thunderbird 4 to repair a freighter that collided with another ship while Scott gets the crew," Alan bit his lip, eyeing his big brother for any signs of anger. Thunderbird 1 wouldn't be able to handle that large a crew, which meant he'd be taking a different 'bird. 

His girl.

It made sense, but that didn't make it any less nerve wracking. Scott was a skilled pilot, but tended to push their 'birds harder than they should be. Gordon would help balance that, though. Two held a high place for the aquanaut, simply for how often he was in her with his own Thunderbird. 

That thought brought back the confusion he'd felt earlier, accompanied by the rumble of his hangar door as Thunderbird 2 began it's launch sequence, "Hey, Al, is Gordon okay?"

The younger blonde looked to him with a bit of surprise. "As far as I could tell, yeah." There was a pause as those blue eyes turned to observe the map and the rescue in progress, "But he was asleep most of yesterday and he's been at the beach today. He was in his launch tube as soon as he saw it was a water rescue, so he must feel up to it. Why?"

Virgil shrugged, trying to recall his brother's face from just minutes before. The nagging worry faded gradually as he wondered if maybe he was over thinking things. They'd been through a rough situation together. Maybe the fish just needed to talk and hadn't thought Virgil would be up yet. Once they returned, he'd make sure to set Gordon down, just to be sure.

"I'll talk to him when he gets back. I think I startled him just before John called with this," he gestured to the holograms. 

"Ah, you guys do that to us sometimes," there was a wary laugh from the astronaut that suddenly demanded Virgil's attention.

"What do you mean?"

It was Alan's turn to shrug, bringing his legs up to cross them on the sofa. It usually meant the kid was opening a door that could lead to a world of emotions kept in check, "It's just - you guys pretty much raised us. When you get hurt, it scares the hell out of us."

"It's not a picnic when you two get hurt either," Virgil countered. 

"Yeah, but usually you and Scott know how to deal with it. Why do you think we call you smother hens?" The teen smiled at the light jab at the overprotective side of the eldest. It fell with the continued explanation, "You guys know how to take care of us. We're just not used to the roles reversing."

Some part of that made sense, but Virgil could think of a few times the two youngest had shown their maturity in taking care of him and Scott when the need arose. He also remembered how stubborn they could both be in order to protect the blondes, ignoring the worst pain to show them they were okay and not to worry. There were times after the pair had been sent to bed, he would crawl from the infirmary bed, gritting through the agony just to reach the medications he needed. Don't wake the kids. Don't show them how bad it really is. Protect them. 

How long had he been doing that? Was Scott the same way? No, because he usually had Virgil to watch over him. They both knew the routine and could fall into it without a second thought. John was rarely down long enough to figure it out, but he was a wiz at calling up vitals and relaying them to Grandma. Gordon and Alan just didn't get to develop the skills needed for family in the place of rescue victims. 

"I get it," he smiled, warm and appreciative. Little brother's could teach them so much. "Well, if you would like to help out, I could use another cup of coffee?"

Alan brightened at that, ready to be useful, "Coming right up! Just - y'know, don't move or anything while I'm gone."

A deep chuckle that made him feel better than any medication could, "FAB, Sprout."

OoOoOoO

Adrenaline was a blessing and one Gordon was happily riding as he piloted Four towards the quickly sinking ship. A job. Purpose. He needed them to keep his head clear, because for all intents and purposes, he had not been ready to see Virgil, much less talk to him.

Sure, he was happy to see his brother awake and out of the sterile environment of the infirmary, but as soon as he caught the movement and realized who it was, his mind had plummeted. He was back in the cavern holding a brother who had tried to let go. 

And then the blessed sound of the alarm and he'd ran. 

Now, surrounded by the bright blues of the ocean on a sunny summer day, Gordon let the job and the adrenaline take over, expertise sizing up the massive tear in the ship's belly and realizing this wouldn't be as straightforward as they'd hoped. 

"The tear's too big for me to patch back together," he called to Scott who hovered above, dangling from the chairs that were meant for the crew. "I'll go EVA and seal any damage inside. They should be able to activate the pump system to get rid of the rest of the water."

"FAB," his brother, who shouldn't be the one on the other end right now, answered. There was no worried 'just be careful Gordon' that never failed to come from his co-pilot. Scott was trusting the expertice from mission reports that never held the worry that Virgil always carried for the brother he dropped into the ocean.

As he tipped backwards and into the water, there was no light-headed feeling, only muscle memory as he kicked and made his way into the dark void of the ship. Gordon had his helmet lights on the second he entered, breathing through the initial panic before focusing on an open hatch and gash in the wall. It was something to focus on and he eagerly got to work with a portable canister of nanocrete and his welding gun. 

In total, his part of the rescue took a little over fifteen minutes. Scott had everyone loaded into the module to await the ship's pumps before they could board once more. The ship would be functional enough to get them to port at the least. If the pumps failed, Gordon would tow them in. Simple as that.

Nothing was ever simple, though. He'd figured that out a while ago, but had yet to find a way to keep himself from thinking too soon that things would go as planned. 

Sound worked in strange ways underwater, the low percussion of something hitting the surface was anything but threatening if you didn't see what had actually hit. It didn't give reason to swim faster or reach for the yellow sub still clinging to the side of the ship.

What did send his heart leaping into his throat was the sharp call from Scott.

"Heads up, Gordon!"

Why that term ever came into being, it was beyond him and he was too tired and too low on the much needed adrenaline to persue it further, but in that instant, lifting his head to see the massive shadow descending towards him was not helpful. What it did was suck the air from his lungs and freeze his muscles as the object blocked out the sun. It slowed for just a moment for reasons he would understand later as bubbles escaped the container, water taking the place of the air inside. 

And still he couldn't move. Aching muscles and a brain so full of fog and ice, dark shadows that wanted to swallow him and his brother. 

It hit - surface scared from being shifted around the ship to await train cars - pushing him deeper into the water. The shriek of metal filled his ears as he tried to find his breath, then Scott yelling. 

When everything stopped, there was no pain. The sounds echoed away, absorbed by the ocean he lay at the bottom of. Sediment floated across the glass of his helmet and sent light bouncing back at him in blurred rainbows. 

"-ordon! Where are you?" His brother was shouting through the comm and Gordon finally felt the needling pain in his head. 

"Here - I'm… um," he still couldn't see anything in the cloud, but he could feel the soft sand under his hands. "What happened?"

"One of the cargo boxes fell off the ship. Are you okay?"

The shadow - he reached out into the space in front of him and hit the solid metal only a foot away. So close - how?

"I'm okay, just can't see anything," and there might have been a waver in his voice from shot nerves. 

"I've got you right under it," Scott was moving by the sound of each breath. " Can you move?"

Hands, yes. Legs were sluggish under a layer of muck dredged up by the container. They moved none the less, "Yeah, gonna start making my way out." He began to crawl, arm over arm as he pushed his way through the cloud, ever aware of the metal that could have crushed him as his helmet scraped against it. The space narrowed the farther he went, forcing Gordon to duck as close as he could to the ground as fingers and toes dug in for traction. It was slow and he felt the weight of fatigue gnawing at him the farther he went.

By the time Gordon realized he was clear, his breath was coming out in gasps, but the sand had begun to settle and he could see beams of sunlight breaking through. With a grunt, the aquanaut kicked off the seafloor and swam, up and out until he could turn and see what remained. 

"Damnit -" the curse came before he realized his comm was open. Too late now to keep big brother from freaking out, Gordon expanded on his distress, "Thunderbird 4's been damaged."

"Are you able to get back to the surface?" The commander was having a difficult time keeping his voice even for the sake of the people most likely standing around him. 

Gordon didn't have an answer for that just yet. What he did have was a problem Scott would need to fix, "Not sure - she's pinned. Can you get the box off her?"

"I'll need a minute," he could imagine his brother giving orders to the people under his care before getting to the magnetic grapple controls. Gordon simply floated in the suspension of the depths. Even though sunlight could be seen from above, it was still quite dark, the lights from his Thunderbird helping illuminate the sand and metal around her.

Everywhere else, though, was shadowed in deep blues. Why he decided to glance around, Gordon would never be sure, but as he found himself staring into the darkness, all he could see was Virgil. 

Falling.

His eyes went wide before snapping shut, his fingers jabbing at the comm to sever the link as he felt the sharp cry pull from his chest. It ended just as quickly, but for a moment his breath shot in and out with the pulse of his racing heart. 

The dull sound of damaged metal being separated brought him back, Gordon spinning in the water to see Thunderbird 2's cable pulling the crate away from the scarred and bent hull of his sub. He took a breath, holding it in his chest as he felt the steady beats begin to slow. Virgil was safe. Not dead. He needed to get a grip before Scott began to worry - more than he already was, anyway. 

"She's clear," the aquanaut hoped his voice hadn't really sounded as strained as he thought. "Looks mostly superficial. I'll be up as soon as I check her systems."

"FAB," Scott answered, the large metal box slowly falling to the sand. "The crew are getting the pumps going and then I'll get everyone else offloaded. Just hold tight in Four, preferably on the surface."

"Sure thing, Scott," he could do that, sit and wait, easy. The airlock opened after the water had drained, his girl welcoming him in to find her lights still active, though there were a few red ones demanding his attention. He gladly gave it, shutting down unnecessary systems and rerouting others to ensure his 'bird didn't give out. 

Routine was simple to follow and before he realized it, Scott was calling the go ahead for returning to the module. What Gordon hadn't counted on was the sight of his eldest brother stepping away from the module wall as Four latched into place and the door closed. 

There went his chance to collect himself for a little longer.

"Thunderbird 4 is secure," Scott called, unnecessarily, the aquanaut's movements like a choreographed dance from years of experience. The pilot met him at the rear as he excited the sub, eyeing him over for any obvious injuries. "You okay, Gordon?"

No - "Yeah, I'm good," he tried to flash a disarming grin to set big brother at ease. He doubted they ever truly worked on the commander - from any of the brothers - and decided to focus on his 'bird. "Thunderbird 4 on the other hand - I might review her systems again on the way home. Make sure I didn't miss anything."

For a second, Scott was silent, his eyes glancing to the damaged sub before returning to the little brother who had caused more than a little stress in the last hour. "Four can wait. I'd rather have you in the cockpit, just in case."

That sent his spine bristling, "In case of what? I'm fine."

"Just humor me. You were almost crushed and it took you long enough to answer for me to start setting up a pod," lips thinned as he spoke.

Scott had to be exaggerating. He hadn't even lost consciousness in the time he'd been down there. This was just big brother's way of keeping tabs. Gordon didn't need that right now.

"I'd really just like a few minutes to check her. That's all," bartering seemed the only option he could mentally come up with as blue eyes continued to assess him. "Then, I'll be up. Ten - fifteen minutes, tops."

Another elongated pause which could mean Scott was trying to decide between peaceful negotiations or straight orders - or weighing how much of a difference ten minutes would make. 

"Alright," his face was stern as he defined the decision he was making. "Ten minutes and I want you up front."

"FAB," Gordon managed before ducking back into his sub. He'd earned a reprieve, short though it was and gladly took the helm to recheck the systems he knew were screaming for attention. 

Scott had them in the air a short time later, headed towards home and the potential whirlwind of questions that came with debriefing. The aquanaut was determined to keep it short and simple, because there was no way he could talk about the hesitation, the inability to move that froze him to the depths of doubt. He needed to work through what had happened and when he was ready - which Gordon realized would need to be sooner rather than later -

He would talk to Virgil.


	4. Chapter 4

"Something's wrong."

"Scott," Virgil had a headache born of immobility and fatigue - and a dash of overanalyzing big brother. "Of course there's something up. He's only a couple days out from the incident in the Arctic and has jumped right back into rescues. He's gotta be exhausted."

"Which is the problem," the brunette's jaw set. "He should've told someone if he wasn't up for the mission."

A brow rose, "Really? I may not've gotten a good look at him this morning, but he seemed pretty adamant about going. Gordon's not the first Tracy to overestimate himself." And there might have been an accusatory glare. 

"He could have died," the big guns - Scott was scared.

Virgil considered for a moment what it was like to be stuck in Thunderbird 2 while his little brother played with heavy objects and volatile situations in the ocean, far from his reach. It wasn't too difficult considering it happened to him more times than not. This was unfamiliar territory for the commander and he wanted to ensure his team was okay. So far, this week was anything but.

"Alright, I'll go talk to him," Virgil relented, scrubbing a hand over his five o'clock shadow. Being sedentary sucked more than he last remembered. Dark brown turned to pin Scott, "Give him twenty-four hours off the rotation and some space."

"FAB," the weight on the narrow shoulders lifted and Scott returned his attention to the reports.

A full minute passed before Virgil was forced to clear his throat to draw his brother's attention, "So, how exactly am I supposed to go talk to him?"

Scott was decent enough to offer an apologetic smile, "Ah, right. How do you feel about the hover chair?"

A grimace, "Like we could do with some better options." 

"Unless you want to hobble down to Four's module," they both eyed the crutch leaned against the lounge table. 

He gave it a single thought before groaning, too tired from a day of trying to do for himself. Served him right for trying to make his own lunch - according to Grandma. 

"Chair it is then." 

The chair had to be dragged from its hiding place, dusted off and calibrated - it was detested that much. The brothers hated the thing, none more than Gordon and Virgil was about to throw it in said little brother's face. Probably not one of his best moves when he was trying to get the fish to open up. 

At least it was quiet.

The chair allowed Virgil the chance to listen for the telltale bangs and clacks of work on dented metal, the damage to Thunderbird 4 fairly obvious from the debriefing. Unfortunately, all he heard was a low hum of the air circulation system. It wasn't alarming, per say, but he had expected more. His next guess was that the blonde was holed up inside the sub working on the more intricate bits until Brains could get a look at the sub.

Virgil stopped just at the corner of the module, debating if he should ditch the chair and limp his way inside. The thought retreated with the ache in his muscles and he sunk lower into the supportive padding. He would just have to hope Gordon didn't freak out with the device's presence. 

A bit of warning before he turned the corner, "You in there, Gordo?" And a clattering of tools hitting the metal grating rang out the obvious. "Whoa, sorry, didn't mean to scare you."

As the inside of the module came into view, so did the blonde, bending down to grab the wrench he'd dropped. The unsteady, frantic look that flashed over his face before turning away to return the tool to its box caught Virgil's attention almost immediately. 

"What do you want, Virgil?" Short and just a touch anger. Yes, his little brother was walking that fine line of concealed problems and explosive emotion. Virgil reminded himself of just how bad Gordon's week was going and calmed the desire to snap back.

"Came to see how the repairs were going. Thought you might like some company." 

"I'm good, thanks," he obviously wasn't and Virgil was sure he was seeing what had worried their big brother. Gordon had yet to turn around, shuffling through tools and components. 

"You sure? I can help -" before he could finish, Gordon strode behind the sub, disappearing into the rear compartment.  _ The hell? _ Whatever had his co-pilot upset wasn't going to be easily dealt with like he'd anticipated, but he hadn't expected full out avoidance. Gordon was usually willing to talk to him even if it led to agreements that left his paints full of glitter. 

The hover chair was too cumbersome to make it that far into the module with the repair carts deployed, leaving Virgil with his original thought of getting out. Now, though, he had an emergency to deal with and a few meters of hobbling would be manageable.

One leg over the side and Virgil eased the other over with a low groan, breathing deep to manage the ache running through him. A step in the right direction, a hand on the dented yellow that still held so much purpose, one more deliberate breath and he continued. It was slow with how much energy it took just to hold himself up and shift forward, but Virgil was eventually rewarded with the rear of the sub and access to his brother. Gordon probably assumed the engineer would wait outside until he got tired and went back upstairs, but that wasn't the protocol when a brother needed them. 

With little difficulty, he found the hatch activation and opened to doors, shimmying around the edge to step inside. Though Virgil spent a great deal of time carrying Thunderbird 4 in Two, he rarely had to set foot in her, so it shouldn't have surprised him when he tripped, arms wheeling for purchase as they left the wall. 

A flurry of sound and arms wrapped around him before he collided with Gordon, the both of them falling - albeit slower - to the metal flooring. There was a rush of breath as Virgil's weight landed on top of his brother, but he was more focused on the throbbing pain in his leg. Grandma was going to be furious if he'd reinjured it. 

Carefully, he rolled off the blonde, unable to suppress grunt of pain and tried to steady himself, breathing evenly until the aches subsided - and realized his brother hadn't moved yet.

"Gords?" Turning his head, he found the blonde, eyes focused on the ceiling and mouth open soundlessly as he struggled to take in a breath. "Breathe, Fish - C'mon, deep breath." He couldn't help mimicking the action as Gordon tried, finally sucking in a strangled breath as his diaphragm reset. It was followed by a harsh coughing fit before he could sit up, taking in air like he'd been trapped under water too long. 

Virgil followed suit, leveraging himself up as best he could using the little adrenaline he'd gained from his brother's distress, "You okay?"

Anger flashed over the usually jovial features, "- the hell, Virgil! What were you -" a cough that morphed into a growl. "Stay there." He was up, deliberate foot falls echoing through the sub before he pulled open a compartment. When he returned, the scanner in his hand made a sweep over the injured leg. 

Virgil wanted to protest, but the fire in the amber eyes cut off anything he might have attempted. He'd seen Gordon angry before, at rescue victims, brothers, even Dad in those early teen years, but this time seemed different. 

The scanner chimed with the results and he felt muscles relax he hadn't realized were tense with apprehension.

"You're lucky," Gordon ground out, shoving the device in his jeans pocket. "I'm getting you back in that damn chair and you go see Grandma." It was an order not meant to be challenged.

Virgil wasn't used to them coming from the blonde, which explained why it was so easy to balk, "I'm fine, Gordon. Just help me up so we can talk."

"There's nothing to talk about, Virgil," the growl was settling in to stay as the aquanaut helped him to his feet. 

For his part, he let himself be lifted until he could balance on his good leg. He didn't follow when Gordon went to take him out of the yellow Thunderbird, however, "I think there is and I'm not leaving until we talk."

"I  _ will _ drag you out of here if I have to," the blonde warned, but after the day his brother had just been through, Virgil felt confident calling his bluff.

"Not going anywhere," his voice was light, knowing that keeping Gordon ramped up wasn't going to help. "Just take a little break and sit with me, please?"

Silence resumed inside the sub and for a moment it seemed the blonde would open up, much like he usually did when something was weighing on him, but he didn't. Instead, he took a half step around Virgil and activated one of the rear seats, lowering his charge into it. The thought that maybe he simply wanted to get a bit more comfortable fled from Virgil's mind as he looked into the stormy amber about to bolt. He grabbed the wrist that had held him up as it withdrew, effectively halting his little brother's retreat.

"Let me go," Gordon's tone was harsh and low. 

"No," lips thinned as muscles tensed under his grip. "Whatever's going on, we need to figure it out. You're not okay and I don't want to have to report that to Scott."

"Then don't," a whisper and Virgil could feel the tremble under his fingertips. 

The words caught in his throat as he watched the blonde in front of him start to deteriorate with each second his grip held. Gordon should have easily snapped his arm free, but instead the tension began to weaken until he simply stood there, attached to Virgil.

"You know I'd have to tell him if I knew something was wrong," there was a hint of pain behind those words. No brother enjoyed being the one to ground another, but it happened. It was how they stayed alive.  _ Watch out for your brothers while I'm gone _ \- Mom's montre until the day she wouldn't be returning. This was what they did, no matter how angry they got with each other. "Just sit for a few minutes. You look like you're barely managing to stay on your feet." Now that he was looking, Virgil could see the droop in the shoulders, head hung low and face hidden. "Then we can talk."

The wrist in his hand twitched again in an attempt to break free, "I can't."

Alarms blared in his head with the weak declaration, emotion thick in Gordon's words. Virgil's need to help his brother grew, but his body was arguing the desire to rest. He'd exerted too much energy just getting to this point and knew there was little he could do to physically stop his brother from leaving, "C'mon, Fish. Sit. I can't hold you like this much longer."

The snap of emotions was almost physical as Gordon whirled around, eyes wide and red, pinning him with so much anger Virgil flinched, "And that's the thing, isn't it? The reason I can't close my eyes for a second - I can't deal with this right now! Not with you!"

"What?" Virgil bit back in confusion at the outburst, inwardly berating himself as he saw the wetness in the amber. "Gordon, what's wrong?"

"Just - just - damnit, Virgil!" The fist clenched and for a second, the engineer thought he was about to lose his grip. "You couldn't 've waited a day, could you? You and Scott! Always gotta needle your way in and figure out what's got your little brother so wound up. He sent you, didn't he?" 

Virgil blinked at the accusations that were, at this moment, fairly true. He didn't dare let go of the connection though, trying to adjust his grip, "He was worried -"

"He's always worried! Damn idiot can't get through a day without questioning us," venom coated the words, born of the fatigue Virgil was seeing in the aquanaut.

"I'm worried, too, Gordon. You're obviously not okay."

"Of course, I'm not!" The shout echoed around the sub and into her module, reverberating in his ears. The two of them stared silently for a moment as the sounds faded and all that was left were the shaky breaths of the younger brother. 

Tentatively, keeping his voice soft, "Talk to me, Fish - please. What's the problem?

It was apparent the outburst had been unintentional, lips thinning to keep anything else from slipping free, but then, Gordon was never good at staying quiet too long. What came out in a hushed whisper was far from what was expected.

"You."

A blink, Virgil frowning slightly, "What?"

"You're the problem," Gordon's voices remained low as the glistening amber pinned him with so much hurt. "You're the reason I can't sleep - I can't… can't even close my eyes or turn off the lights."

Everything had shuddered to a halt in his brain, the only parts seeming to function were his ears - listening to each word with a growing sense of confusion - and eyes watching as moisture escaped the bloodshot amber. He wanted to ask questions, figure out the why's and how's, fix whatever he'd done that he couldn't quite recall doing. 

Virgil's hand still worked, holding onto Gordon like their lives depended on it. Even if his mouth had stopped, he wasn't about to let go. 

Gordon's eyes shifted to that connection, grimacing before turning away, "Please, let me go."

"Not happening," this time, muscles contracted to pull the smaller form a step closer. "What did I do?"

A wet scoff that may have been a laugh, Virgil couldn't tell, "Of course, you wouldn't remember."

"Remember what?" A knot had found its way into his stomach as something in his mind tried to connect the situation now with what had recently happened. This had to be about their time in the caverns, but much of that was a blur, slung over his little brother's shoulders.

"You -" Gordon's jaw clenched with the effort it was taking and Virgil felt his heart flutter with the anguish he was seeing in the tanned face. A breath in and out, steadying the blonde slightly, and he continued, "You tried to let go."

Dark brows furrowed, retracing the events - the dark passages, talking to his brother, waiting - nothing struck out as the cause for Gordon's situation. But then, he'd gone looking for his brother after they'd separated - the ice - the fall.

Glancing down to the grip he still had on the blonde. He remembered. At the time, it hadn't felt as heavy a choice as it did now that they were safe on the island. It was barely worth remembering in comparison to the miracle Gordon had pulled off. Virgil had found it easier to focus on the feats of his little brother, rather than the near death experience and how close he'd come. Gordon should be proud of what he'd done and Virgil would be the first to tell him that.

"But you saved me, Gordon," dark brown tilted to search out his brother's gaze.

"That's not the point -" a hiss between teeth still held tight. "You made a decision that you couldn't be saved - that I couldn't save you - and I felt -" Gordon jerked, fighting against whatever was raging within, and for a heart stopping beat, Virgil almost lost his hold. The aquanaut's voice rose as he seemed to find purchase in the silence of his big brother. "Now, every time I try to sleep, I see you, falling because I couldn't save you! How the hell do you get to make that decision? What did you think was going to happen, Virgil? That I'd live? That I would get to grow old knowing my big brother sacrificed his life for me? You honestly - for one damn second - think I could live with that?"

"Gords -" he wasn't sure what to say, never even considering that this could be the issue. He knew, given the circumstances again, he would've still made that choice. The look on his brother's face gave him a moment to reconsider, but in the end - "I couldn't let you fall too."

"But I didn't!" A shockwave that sent Virgil silent, reeling from a blow he couldn't quite see yet. "What difference would it have made if I'd dropped you because you let go or I let go because I wasn't strong enough? There's no difference, Virgil! I would have failed either way! I would have lived with the undeniable fact that I couldn't save you! You would be dead because of me!" The words bounced around the sub, slamming into Virgil with each declaration. A stormy silence followed and like the roll of thunder, Gordon's rage began to dull until his voice was back to a strangled whisper as more tears joined the first, "You - you don't get to decide that - not for me."

Fatigue forgotten, now there was a tightness in his chest as Virgil realized just what he'd done to his brother. The thought of Scott - any one of his brothers - doing the same to him, it was suddenly unthinkable. His jaw bobbed for a moment before his mouth closed and he swallowed past the lump so that the words could make it free.

"I'm sorry."

Gordon didn't respond other than to tug at his restraint and Virgil suddenly felt like losing his grip would mean losing what progress they'd made. He pulled, feeling the protest in his own muscles, but not caring. The desire to be strong for his brother earned him another inch as weary feet stumbled in his direction. Another step and then Virgil was pushing himself out of the seat and encircling his co-pilot in arms that needed to support his brother as much as he needed the support. 

With Gordon's arm free, Virgil half expected a protest, but as fingers curled into the fabric of his shirt, he knew he'd made the right move.

"I'm really sorry, Gords," he breathed into blonde waves and felt the shudder run through the smaller form. Guilt flooded his gut with just how much his barely conceived decision had affected his brother. It had been a moment of bold sacrifice, nothing to think about other than Gordon's safety. Yet, here he was, holding a broken man and it was by his own doing. "I shouldn't 've - I just wanted you to be safe."

A sniffle that was far too close to the nine year old who'd been silently distraught about leaving their grandfather's ranch and a certain foal too attached to know better. It only made Virgil feel worse, but it also meant Gordon was dealing instead of hiding. And then, a wet whisper, "Same," which was immediately followed by a stronger declaration, "you giant idiot."

He grinned, the rough waters parting with the invitation for jovial banter, "the biggest."

"No - that's Scott."

"Ah, so slightly less of an idiot than Scott, got it," Virgil gave the blonde a firm squeeze.

There was a flicker of concern when it wasn't returned, Gordon adding to the feeling as he spoke. "Virg, sit down."

He pulled back, eyeing the aquanaut and the pinch of his jaw, "What's up?"

"Sit," and he wasn't given a choice as Gordon stepped forward, throwing him off balance until he landed back on the seat. 

Virgil attempted to conceal the winch as the sudden movement jostled his leg, not wanting to add to the emotional wounds he'd already inflicted. There was no need to worry if Gordon had caught it or not, the blonde's hand covering his face as the other sought purchase on the wall.

"Gordon?"

"Light-headed," the strain was evident, the free hand connecting with the wall by the rear hatch. 

"Hey, here," Virgil reached over and activated Fours infirmary bed, letting it drop slowly before reaching for what he could grab of his brother. Handful of Hawaiian shirt, he carefully guided the aquanaut to the bed, watching with a worried frown as Gordon clung to its side. "When was the last time you got some sleep?"

"Mmm - maybe had an hour or two after you got out of surgery," Gordon admitted as he rubbed at his face.

That pang of guilt morphed into a stab, "and since then?" The blonde didn't answer, but Virgil knew the answer. "Lay down, I'm calling Scott."

Gordon straightened at that, predictably ready to protest, but the shift must have been too much as his mouth snapped shut and he nearly missed the edge of the bed as he collapsed. Virgil cursed, already activating the comm to alert their eldest brother to the new situation. 

"-'m good," Gordon called from the floor. 

"Hardly, Squirt," he was relieved that the aquanaut was at least still conscious. "Scott, I need your help in module four. Gordon's down." That would get the commander's attention and he was rewarded with the hiss of the comm.

"On my way," not even a pause, as though their brother had been waiting for a call. 

"Virg -"

"Just stay there," he leaned forward to get a better look at the blonde currently sprawled out, legs shifting as if to find purchase and arms already rolling him onto his side. "Scott'll be here in a minute. No use causing - hey, stop!"

Too late. Gordon was already pushing himself up to sit, "I'll be okay. Just - mmm - gotta get the room to quit spinning "

"Yeah, it's called laying down until Scott gets here and takes you to the infirmary," so much of him wished he could simply walk over and deal with the stubborn blonde himself, but there was no need by the sound of boots running across the hangar. 

"Don't want that," Gordon tried arguing groggily. "My room's fine."

"But you're not fine," Virgil quickly turned his attention to the new figure to appear at Fours rear hatch. "Scott, get him to lay down, or at least get on the medical bed."

He watched as Scott stepped past and knelt by the aquanaut, catching the wrist of one arm and pulling it over his shoulder while supporting him around the waist with the other arm, "What happened?"

That was a question that could open more wounds than necessary at the moment. At the flash of panic that flew over his co-pilot's face, Virgil easily made the decision to keep it brief, "I'm assuming his blood pressure dropped. No loss of consciousness, though." 

He made a move to stand, wanting to be of some use as Scott maneuvered Gordon onto the bed, but a quick hand bared his way, "Just stay there, Virgil. I've got him."

"Guys, I'm - fine," the argument was lost with the lack of coordination, Gordon likely watching the room spin with his new position. Stubbornness really could be one of their greatest flaws and it showed far too often. 

Virgil did as he was instructed, instead focusing on the blonde mop that had settled just within his reach. The instant his hand carded through the waves, he could see the tension dissipate, allowing their little brother to relax and let Scott do his job. The silence of it allowed his brother's words to creep back up, along with the memory he'd managed to hide under pride. It was easier to praise Gordon for his heroics than it was to linger on his split second decision. Now, that decision had left the blonde with a trauma none of them had picked up on.

"You wanna tell me what happened?" Scott's voice was a whisper as he detached the stretcher from the wall.

Virgil pulled himself to his feet, leaning on the other side of the medical bed. He was about to redirect, not sure talking about it in front of the aquanaut was wise, but by the frown on his big brother's face and the lack of awareness on Gordon's, he realized he needed to offer something. 

"Trauma from the cavern," what else was he supposed to call it. "I don't think he's slept enough since we got back."

A flicker of guilt that Scott held more often than any of them, "What kind of trauma?"

This was a minefield, something that needed to be discussed with everyone, but also a situation the commander could sympathize with. Scott would've done the same given the chance. Virgil hobbled with the stretcher, breathing through the strain it put on his limbs. As they made it to the chair, Scott shifted to help him up and that opened an opportunity.

"What would you do if you and I were going to fall," he paused, hoping he was making sense. "And the difference between both of us dying and only one of us was you letting go?"

Sky blue pinned him with immediate understanding and the curse that slipped through the elder man's lips was a fairly mutual expression. "But you didn't. Otherwise, we'd be dealing with a lot more than just Gordon."

"Right," the explanation stopped there as Virgil found himself reeling with the implications that this could've been worse. "Right," was all he could muster.

Scott could read him on most days and today was no different as he let out a disheartened sigh, "We can talk about it later. Right now, I'd like a full workup on him." He gestured to Gordon, who was still oblivious to their discussion. 

Would they be talking about what happened with the aquanaut present? That idea didn't sit well with Virgil's desire to protect his brother. The rest of the family could process the incident with a detachment Gordon couldn't. 

Mind set on keeping his co-pilot safe, Virgil sent the hover chair gliding over the hangar floor, intent to be there when the kid woke up. 

  
  
  



	5. Chapter 5

_ "- gotta let go, kiddo." _

_ "No! Not happening!" But muscles told a different story. Fatigue. Pain. It was too much.  _

_ Gordon looked down into the face at the other end, staring up at him through the glass of a helmet long since gone. The soft smile met sad, grey eyes.  _

_ "It's okay." _

_ The energy was gone, replaced by the whimper of a child, "No - it's not!" His chest felt heavy as he tried again, tears of frustration stinging his cheeks and blurring the image. Gordon blinked them away and the face changed. The smile was the same, but the eyes were different - dark and gentle - watching him with that finality that was supposed to make him feel better.  _

_ "You'll be okay." _

_ Lies. He knew nothing would ever be okay. Everything would change, just like when Dad left.  _

_ A twitch of a wrist under his fingers. _

Amber eyes flew open, the cry stuck in his throat as his tired mind registered the low light in the infirmary and the soft mattress of a medical bed. His heart sent a staccato of beeps through the room and he watched the number tick a few beats higher before settling. A breath, deliberate, yet trembling as it left his lungs and he drew in another. The number dropped, along with the pounding in his ears.

"Hey," a voice to his right startled him and he turned to find an apparition laying in the other bed next to him. "Try to relax, Gordo. You're in the infirmary."

All he could do was stare, his brain a swirl of anger and fear that lingered from the passing nightmare. It was too difficult to let it fade as the memory of the days before still sat at the forefront of everything. Virgil must have noticed, his mouth twisting into an uncomfortable smile. It didn't ease any of the turmoil or the desire to run. If only his body didn't feel like it had been hit by a truck.

"You can yell at me some more if you want," the engineer offered like it was something tangible - a bandage. Something in Gordon wanted it more than anything. 

But the thought of talking brought warmth to his eyes. Too much, too fast and he blinked, turning away and hoping his brother would leave him alone. They were Tracy's though, stubborn and not so easily ignored, so it wasn't that much of a shock when he felt the mattress shift and a solid, warm figure nestled in next to him.

"Virg-" a grumbled whisper that might've worked on Alan, but not the elder brother. 

"Sorry, Fish," the baritone was followed by an arm shoving its way behind his shoulders and pulling him into the engineer's side. He was contained, unable to fight the embrace or resist the comfort that came from it. "I mean that, so go ahead. Curse me out. Call me a damn idiot. I deserve it."

Gordon wanted to, no invitation necessary, but again the words slipped away and he slowly realized why. He wasn't mad. Not really, anyway. Being angry would've been easy. Hell, he could've redirected it into some seriously thought out pranking. Take the rage and turn it into something productive. No, this wasn't the anger anymore. This was their life on repeat. Losing Dad because he made the decision to sacrifice himself to save the world. There wasn't a difference here, except the world had been replaced by just him. Certainly not worth that price.

He hurt.

"You could've died," the blonde whispered through the lump in his throat.

"I know."

"Just like Dad."

That snapped Virgil's mouth shut, the elder knowing far more about the incident with the Zero-X than himself. It would make all of this hit home that much harder. The arm around him tightened a bit more and Gordon found he couldn't look over to see his brother's reaction. He could imagine the pain, though. 

"I just - I was scared," Virgil finally continued, his breath brushing the side of his head. "Didn't know how to help and I didn't want to take you down too. But -" he squeezed his shoulder as though predicting that Gordon was ready to voice his disapproval. "I should've trusted you. You've been through a lot of close calls, kiddo, and you've always come out on top. I should've known you wouldn't give up. I promise, if we're ever in that type of situation again, no self sacrifices. We get through it together. Deal?"

Amber gradually tracked over the room to glimpse the sincerity on the engineer's face, the dark brows pinched as he anxiously waited for an answer. Virgil wanted him to be okay - needed them to be okay in order to do their jobs. Gordon knew it might be a little while before that could happen, but if this was the first step to getting rid of the images that flashed across his mind every time he saw the sad smile and apologetic eyes, he would try.

"Deal - just, how about we try to avoid getting into those types of situations? Save us the trouble?" Gordon offered a hint of a smile, knowing that was an impossible request to make. Their jobs were dangerous and one day, someone might not make it home. 

"We can certainly try, Squirt," Virgil smiled, giving the smaller form another squeeze. After a slightly more comfortable moment passed, the engineer decided to shift subjects, "How are you feeling?"

A blink to process the question, mentally going through a rundown of all the aches and pains his body was dealing with. One feeling rang out above the rest, however, "Still tired." He lifted an arm to show how much effort it took and stopped, noticing the IV running from it. "What's this for?"

"Ah," Virgil frowned as he looked to the hand and up above their heads. "Your blood sugar was too low. Grandma gave you that since she couldn't feed you. It helped your blood pressure too." The frown deepened as a memory was recalled, "Hey, so you told me you hadn't been sleeping since we got back. Not eating either?"

It was his turn to feel a little guilty as his head bobbed, Gordon unsure just how much he'd actually eaten in the last couple of days. "Didn't have an appetite."

The line of Virgil's jaw set with the new information, the elder seeming to consider the best route of action. "You went on a rescue mission." It wasn't a question. The problem was glaring at them in the silence that stretched past. What he'd done was dangerous and had nearly gotten himself crushed in the process. 

"I did," the admittance didn't help the guilt, but as Virgil had said, he'd been through some rough situations before. This time he got lucky. "Sorry."

A gruff sigh as Virgil adjusted his hold, "Call us even?" 

'Even' was better than the alternative right now. Telling Scott would come later, but for this moment, it was the olive branch that said they'd both been idiots. Gordon hadn't been thinking clearly and it had nearly cost him everything.

"Even," though, the nightmares were probably far from over. At least his brother's words seemed to be helping calm his nerves since waking up and he couldn't stop the yawn. 

Virgil caught it immediately and smiled, "Go back to sleep, Gordo. Technically, you've only been out for about four hours. Grandma instructed no less than ten."

"What about you?" His mind was working at a sluggish pace and he finally registered the leg that shouldn't be used for transporting the engineer to and from his bed. "Grandma's gonna have some choice words if she finds you out of bed."

"That's something I can deal with in the morning," but he didn't budge, arm still tucked under the blondes shoulders. 

"You're stuck?" Gordon knew the answer even before asking, his brother's free hand reaching up to rub his face.

With a sigh, they both seemed to sink into the pillows, "Kinda spent all my energy getting over here."

A scoff, too weak to be taken to heart, "Dummy." It felt lame, but he decided to ignore it. The word had been uttered, no take backs, Gordon letting his eyelids drift shut.

The arm around him pulled a bit, offering a reassuring embrace as the larger brother made himself more comfortable, "Well, you're stuck with this dummy for a few more hours. Get some sleep, Squirt."

"No promises," because nightmares didn't care about the desires of siblings. The warmth helped, though, keeping the memory of the icy cave far from his mind. They were alive for the time being and as long as they continued to have each other's backs, Gordon could handle the unknown future. no worrying about his co-pilot making the same mistake twice. 

If he did, he'd personally kill the idiot. That was a promise. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end!
> 
> Hope y'all liked this! It was definitely a challenge for me to write since I don't handle conflict between bros well. I like it more when the bros are taking care of each other :D 
> 
> Thanks so much for all the kudos and comments! And thanks to Gumnut for encouraging this idea! Always fun whumping her boy!

**Author's Note:**

> There was more to this fic, but honestly, this was the part that stuck out XD how many times have we thrown our boys down a hole and expected them to climb out without drama? Tooooooo many!
> 
> Hope y'all enjoyed this!


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